Rosé Wine with Billy the Goat
You’re hiking on a mountain. A Billy goat that sounds like a cross between Cher and Hugh Grant joins you and says, “Would you like some cheese … of the goat variety?”
You respond, “Ohhh … Billy don’t mind if I do,” while you whip out your olives, onions, garlic, and some Italian seasoning. You mix the ingredients up and stuff them into two tomatoes. Don’t forget the Segura Viudas Brut Rosé Cava from Spain. Chilled, of course.
Suddenly, Billy pulls out his portable oven so you bake them at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. During that time, Billy and you debate about plaid versus argyle while enjoying yet another bottle of rosé wine, the 2007 Vecchia Torre Leverano Rosato. Its pink tones go really well with Billy’s sweater vest. The fruit finish lasts through Billy’s musings about his red 2006 Volkswagen Jetta that he is cashing in as a clunker. “Good luck,” you say.
“That O-baaahh-ma, I swear, what will he think of next? … This wine is just sensational,” Billy says, “pour me another glass, oh would you cupcake?”
As you pour Billy and yourself another glass, the tomatoes are drooling cheese. You drool a little bit, too. Then, Billy questions while diving into his first bite, “So who would you do first Dylan or Brandon?”
In unison, you both respond, “Dylan! Because you’re so jealous that Brenda AND Kelly AND Valerie AND the Neutrogena girl got a piece of that action.” You and Billy agree that his on again off again alcoholism slash heroine slash coke slash woman addiction is such a turn-on. Plus, who can resist a surfer that drives a Porsche. Billy can’t!
“These tomatoes are just divine,” touts Billy, as he waves his hooves “You must tell me where you got this recipe! I have to make it for my boyfriend Ed’s annual Disco Chic Fabulosity Gala. They don’t put the gay in gala for nothing, girlfriend.”
You respond, “From this amazing woman that’s kind of a big deal.” You and Billy become BFFs as you drunkenly stumble down the mountain debating who has a cuter labradoodle.