An Ode to My Sister’s Waistline
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My sister gained a little weight in college
Don’t lie. You did, too.
And, so did I. You might as well have rolled me off the plane with the little cars that follow those trucks that say WIDE LOAD. Yes, there was a beeping sound when I backed up. I was so fat I deep-fried my toothpaste. The only thing that was attracted to me was gravity. I was once, twice, three times a lady. I had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
It was bad. Moving on, I believe when you’re on a diet, it’s important to have loved ones that support your choices in food and beverages. Not that she needs to go on a diet, but my lovely sister is doing this detox diet for 21 days that has the following parameters:
- No gluten
- No animal products
- No caffeine
- No alcohol
Well, you know I couldn’t handle something as intense as that, but she can. In support of her new detox, I prepared a hearty, animal/gluten-free red beans and rice dish. I’m such a good sister.
Red Beans and Rice
Adapted from the Uptown Down South Junior League cookbook (they got to use animal products)
- 1 cup of Brown Jasmine rice
- 2 tablespoons of olive oil
- ½ large onion, chopped
- ¾ cup of celery, chopped
- 1 bell pepper, chopped
- 2 15-ounce cans of red kidney beans
- 2 tablespoons of dried parsley
- 2 tablespoons of ketchup
- 1 ½ teaspoons of Worcestershire sauce
- 2 teaspoons of Franks Hot Sauce
- 1 teaspoon of Tabasco
- 2 teaspoons of chili powder
Boil two cups of water. Add one cup of rice. Simmer for 30-45 minutes.
Heat up olive oil in large Dutch oven. Sauté onion, celery and pepper for 4-5 minutes. Add kidney beans and the rest of the ingredients. Simmer for 30 minutes. Serve over rice.