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An Ode to My Sister’s Waistline

March 24, 2010

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My sister gained a little weight in college
Don’t lie. You did, too.

And, so did I. You might as well have rolled me off the plane with the little cars that follow those trucks that say WIDE LOAD. Yes, there was a beeping sound when I backed up. I was so fat I deep-fried my toothpaste. The only thing that was attracted to me was gravity. I was once, twice, three times a lady. I had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

It was bad. Moving on, I believe when you’re on a diet, it’s important to have loved ones that support your choices in food and beverages. Not that she needs to go on a diet, but my lovely sister is doing this detox diet for 21 days that has the following parameters:

  • No gluten
  • No animal products
  • No caffeine
  • No alcohol

Well, you know I couldn’t handle something as intense as that, but she can.  In support of her new detox, I prepared a hearty, animal/gluten-free red beans and rice dish. I’m such a good sister.

Red Beans and Rice

Adapted from the Uptown Down South Junior League cookbook (they got to use animal products)

  • 1 cup of Brown Jasmine rice
  • 2 tablespoons of olive oil
  • ½ large onion, chopped
  • ¾ cup of celery, chopped
  • 1 bell pepper, chopped
  • 2 15-ounce cans of red kidney beans
  • 2 tablespoons of dried parsley
  • 2 tablespoons of ketchup
  • 1 ½ teaspoons of Worcestershire sauce
  • 2 teaspoons of Franks Hot Sauce
  • 1 teaspoon of Tabasco
  • 2 teaspoons of chili powder

Boil two cups of water. Add one cup of rice. Simmer for 30-45 minutes.

Heat up olive oil in large Dutch oven. Sauté onion, celery and pepper for 4-5 minutes. Add kidney beans and the rest of the ingredients. Simmer for 30 minutes. Serve over rice.

Boys, she’s single!

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Rachel permalink
    March 24, 2010 12:03 pm

    You are an absolute trip. Miss you heavy Evie!

  2. Ruthie permalink
    March 24, 2010 1:55 pm

    we had this last night…sorta. but with black beans!

    if you have a crockpot, you can throw dried beans in it, cover with water, add an onion or two, garlic, jalapeno, bay leaf and cook on HIGH for 2.5-3 hours and you dont even have to soak the dried beans. easy breezy!

    • ehagood permalink*
      March 24, 2010 3:24 pm

      Sounds delish. I’ll get my slow cooker aficionado on it!

  3. Lynn Spillane permalink
    March 24, 2010 11:53 pm

    …….with a smile like that I’m sure the men will notice…..and I’m sure she is not as fat as you claim! I’ve met her…..she’s gorgeous! Stop with the fat stuff.
    Love you both!

  4. T-Pain permalink
    March 25, 2010 5:36 pm

    yeah alice, you arent fat. I mean I dont think a girl is fat until she’s like, I dont know, huge like 120 or 125 pounds….

    just drink malbec and lettuce, you’ll be fine


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