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We Are Fat

July 14, 2010

Attention Carolinians: This just in … breaking news story…WE ARE FAT. I just read North Carolina received a whopping #10 as the most obese state in the U.S. and South Carolina is ranked #9.

Is it because we’re eating our feelings? Do we eat because we’re unhappy? Are we unhappy because we eat? What gives? We have wonderful weather all year-long except for January/February when we’re hibernating. We have an outstandingly breathtaking coast line for walking, jogging, swimming, crabbing and rowing. We have beautiful, tree-lined mountaintops for hiking, river rafting and mountain biking. So what are we shoving in our fat faces that makes us the U.S. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

It’s got to stop. Let’s put the kibosh on it, kids. Quit frying butter and barreling it down get-in-my-belly highway. I’m no Calista Flockhart. I can hawk a hamburger down like the next one, but if she taught me anything, my mom boasted the importance of fitting into sophisticated garb and maintaining a healthy figure. I [try to] eat [healthy] to fit into my clothes. I fit into my clothes because I [try to] eat [healthy].*

Here are some tips:

  • Portion control. So you have Ronald McDonald on speed dial? Order a Kid’s Happy Meal. It’s smaller for your tots and your belly. So you and Papa John’s are poker buddies? Eat a slice and stop. Chop your arm off if necessary. Handcuff yourself in a closet. Stop after one and shovel some leafy greens instead. Then, you’ll have more than enough leftover pizza for the rest of the week. The rule of thumb is the piece of meat should be the size of your fist. Use one ice cream scoop for your sides.
  • Beans, beans, they are good for your heart. The more you eat them, the more you fiber it up while saving money in the meantime. Heat up a can of black beans, top it with salsa and you have yourself one saucy side dish. Pile on the baked beans in lieu of the BBQ.
  • We could fry our water and drink it if given the chance. In lieu of French fried, try cutting a potato into wedges and baking it. Cover chicken in Panko bread crumbs and bake it for 30 minutes at 350 degrees. It’s the crispy feeling of fried without the lardy fat.   
  • So macaroni is a vegetable? Omit the pulled pig. Eat your macaroni and pair it with a side of collards.
  • Give your arteries a break. Attempt eating healthy all week-long and then reward yourself with one fried/grease ball/lard-filled/Crisco-covered dish on the weekend. But, stop there. Chop your other arm off, and eat light for the rest of the week. You’ll totally be arm-less but you’ll look great!   
  • Eating disorders are out like last year’s jeggings. Starving yourself is so passé. Eat light snacks like fruit and nuts throughout the day. Your skeleton will thank you. Skeletons are scary and not meant for public viewing. Helloooo, that’s why people don skeletons on Halloween.  
  • Bake without the butter. Try baking by substituting butter/oil/shortening/eggs with things like avocados, apple sauce, mashed banana, pumpkin puree, etc. This is a tip I learned from SkinnyGirl Dish, and it works! I am a believer. You can be, too. See the goodness below.

*Please disregard my dark period aka freshman year in college when I gained 30 pounds and had to roll home.

Somewhat Healthy Chocolate Cupcakes

I researched a few chocolate cupcake recipes online and, then I used a few of Bethanney’s baking tips from SkinnyGirl Dish and voila. Cupcakes are great for portion control so you don’t have to lose an arm!

  • 1 cup  all-purpose flour
  • 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/8 teaspoon  salt
  • 2/3 cup granulated sugar
  • 1/4 cup apple sauce (with no sugar added)
  • 1 banana, mashed
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • ½  cup low-fat buttermilk
  • 1 ¼ ounces  dark chocolate, finely chopped

Preheat oven to 350°.

Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup, and level with a knife. Combine and sift flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt.

Place granulated sugar and apple sauce in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until well combined (about 2 minutes). Add mashed banana and vanilla, beating well. Add flour mixture and buttermilk alternately to granulated sugar mixture, beginning and ending with flour mixture. Fold in chocolate. Spoon batter into 12 muffin cups lined with muffin cup liners. Bake at 350° for 18 minutes or until cake springs back when touched lightly in center or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Remove from pan; cool completely on a wire rack. Frost the cupcakes with chocolate cream cheese frosting

Notes: This only makes 12 cupcakes, if even. I didn’t have a banana for the second batch so I used ¼ cup more of apple sauce. The apple sauce serves as a butter substitute and the banana served as an egg substitute.

Chocolate Cream Cheese Frosting

  • 8 oz light cream cheese
  • 1 cup of powdered sugar
  • ¼ teaspoon of vanilla extract
  • 6 oz. milk chocolate, melted

Place all ingredients in a bowl and blend until smooth.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Alice Wagner permalink
    July 15, 2010 2:25 pm

    Were these any good?

    • ehagood permalink*
      July 15, 2010 2:36 pm

      They were delicious! Richard said his classmates devoured them. Wait ’til you try the peach/avocado cupcakes I made yesterday. I’m bringing them this weekend!

  2. July 19, 2010 7:53 pm

    We had some foreign exchange coaches staying with us for a soccer camp. They were amazed at how generally over weight everyone was in the area compared to the other places in the US they had traveled to this summer.

    I think the portion control tips btw are ridiculous. Don’t go to McDonalds if you want to loose weight. Stay as far away from Mcdonalds as you can both for your own health and weight but also to help your kids. If you feed your kids a happy meal you are not only making a mistake now, but teaching them how to escalate and make weight mistakes when they get to be your age.

    As a runner myself, I’d say that all the really bad driving on really narrow roads probably doesn’t help for our states over all position. Running over runners and bicyclists on a too regular basis is weeding out the thinner people and skewing our results fatter. 😉


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